So Unexpected
by ShadowJay
Summary: "You think you can treat me like you did, and expect me just to forgive and forget?" Clary asks incredulous, pulling her lips back into a sneer. "I'm sorry.. I was afraid." Jace whispers, remorse flickering through his translucent golden orbs. "Scared of what? Ruining your ego?" she responds, glaring at him, silently challenging him. "No." he mutters, "I was scared of loving you."
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So choice 2 won the vote by a large margin! I'm sorry if you voted for 1 I will write that story next because I love the idea. Please give this a shot, I'm hoping it can live up to your ****expectations! PLEASE REVIEWW! It makes such a big difference especially on a brand new fic. Btw, just got an ig for this account please follow: ShadowJay_ ! Anyways wish me luck!(:  
xx-kelse**

_Clary:_

I hate her. I can't believe she just did that. This isn't happening. The backs of my eyes sting warningly at the sign of unshed tears. I can't act affected. I look up into her calculating blue eyes, looking over my face and checking for any sign of emotion. I keep my features blank, avoid of pain, though my heart is throbbing uncomfortably in my chest. Seelie had always been a total bitch, but never this. Never this. On the front of my locker was now a mirror. A mirror she put there. The mirror wasn't easy to see yourself in though, considering the fact it was covered in words. _hoe. bitch. slut. ugly. anorexic. depressed. freak. loser. desperate. crazy. pale. nothing. worthless. _The hateful words covered every inch of the full length mirror, and were absorbed in every inch of my mind. I take a deep breath. Focus, time to act.

I tap Seelie on the shoulder looking up at her curiously. "What." She snaps, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and anxiety. "Did you mean to hang this on your locker?" I ask innocently, looking into her eyes menacingly. The gathering crowd chuckles quietly, as if scared Seelie might hear. "Nope, it's in the right spot." She bites back, smiling tightly. I see red. I must keep control. "Well thanks for the present!" I giggle, blowing her a kiss and walking in the opposite direction, desperately trying to hold back the sob racking through me. I walk into the nearest bathroom and slam the stall door, managing to ignore the other girls confused looks.

I hate this feeling, the way you have to cry silently, where your throat gets tight and you can't breath, the way your eyes run endlessly while you try to keep quiet. What did I do to deserve all of this? What did I do to deserve the depression, the bullying, the divorce, the abuse, and the death of my only friend? It's all too much. I try to act strong, but I am weak and cracking, and one day I will shatter into pieces that can't be put back together. A heavier sob goes through me, causing me to make a throaty noise. Eyes streaming watery bands of pain, I get up and take a deep breath, Seelie of all people doesn't deserve my tears, my pain.

Wiping my eyes and blowing my nose I unlock the stall and casually walk out. Luckily everyone had already left. Sighing I look at my misshapen face, out of all the bad things I already have I get to be hideous too. Pulling out my makeup bag I reapply my makeup, some concealer for the bruises and some eyeliner and mascara. I breath in and look at the girl in the mirror, I refuse to believe that _thing_ with the frizzy red hair and white skin was me. Nothing happened. I didn't cry. I'm fine. It didn't get to me. I walk out the door to my locker. I'm not fine.

_Jace:_

Her lips move desperate and sloppy against mine as we kiss passionately. I don't even know the girl's name, but she was pretty hot and started to make out with me, so who the hell am I to tell her to stop? I move my lips against hers sensually and expertly, my hands moving down to cup her butt. Who cares if we were in the middle of the hall? I'm about to deepen the kiss when the bell rings. I pull away slowly, looking the girl in the eyes, she smiles flirtatiously and walks off, trying to pronounce her ass by swaying her hips.

I smirk, it was my first day and I already had every girl here wrapped around my finger. It was so easy, use them and throw them away, no emotion, no love, and inevitably no hurt. I can't afford any more hurt. I start walking, checking my list for my next class when all the sudden I collide with someone sending them sprawling on the floor. After gaining my senses again I look down and my eyes involuntarily widen; she was breathtaking. Her face is smooth yet angular with a light dusting of freckles and flawless pearly skin. Her eyes an alluring emerald color and her hair falls in thick crimson waves on her shoulders. Her small hands grapple for her sketchpad and she jumps to her feet and glances at me for the first time. I feel a spark as we stare at each other until her look turns to disgust. "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I state, pulling my walls that she had brought to the floor with her. What's wrong with me I don't even know this girl. She nods curtly replying with a simple, "Me either." Why wasn't she swooning or even blushing? Game on. "Well I always knew I could sweep a girl off her feet.. but never this." I say chuckling giving her my heart-melting smirk. She just grimaces and begins to walk away."You know lunch is this way!" I call out, confused on where she was going. "I know." She says coldly, not glancing back. I make a split second decision and decide to follow the mysterious girl.

xxxxx

I stand silently in the doorway of the seemingly abandoned room and she picks up a worn out guitar and plops on the the rug, sitting criss-cross. She begins to strum the the strings, creating a beautiful yet haunting melody. And then she begins to sing. And my heart stops.

_I've written songs_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_I've felt inspired_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_I hide myself_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_Used to be afraid_  
_Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark, of the dark_  
_Those in the light know we die_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_

_There's only artificial light here_  
_My flaws hide well here_  
_I used to be afraid of cluttered noises_  
_Now I'm afraid of silence_  
_Fill this space_  
_Idle words_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come one kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

_Now I am mute despite myself_  
_All of them are gone_  
_The silence overtakes me_  
_The idle words forsake me_  
_And I am left to face me_

_I'm held accountable_  
_For every idle word_  
_Curse the idle words_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come on kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

_Glory shows up_  
_Exposes us_  
_I'm naked here_  
_Forsaken here_  
_By the dark_  
_By the dark_  
_Damn the dark_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come on kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

There was an unmistakeable depth of pain and despair in her voice as she sang the song with eyes closed, screaming to the walls with more emotion than anyone I've ever heard sing before. I step out of the room and jog away, head pounding, raging with inner battle. I can't fall for someone. They will just leave me. Everyone leaves me. But I can't help it. She is perfect.

**First chapter! I'm sorry if you guys hate it.. I don't know what to expect! PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU DO LIKE! it is the first chapter so reviews will make or break this fic. Please review! I love all of ****you(:**

**Excited to be working with a new story line!  
So many secrets will be discovered..**

**Review.  
xx-kelse**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello guys(: Sorry I haven't updated in a while.. But here is chapter two! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING LAST CHAPTER PLEASE DO THE SAME ON THIS ONE! anyways I have something to say: You aren't alone. I know sometimes we all feel like it, isolated, fearful of being found out. We feel like we are the only people in the world suffering from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-hate, self-harm, and other things. But we ****aren't. For all you know the girl next to you in English could be suffering from any one of these. We aren't alone. You aren't alone. If you need anything, I am here. I love you and all of your flaws, because we all have them. They don't define you. You are made up of so many things: The way you giggle when you find something funny, how you get so passionate about things you love, how you get lost in thought so easily, the way you always look at the floor. You are amazing. I promise. Anyways, here is chapter two. I am a writer that likes to write about problems people have, such as, depression, abuse, loss of loved ones, bullying.. etc. If you have a topic you want me to write on you can tell me anon and I will. You are so important to me(: REVIEW BABES  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I close my eyes and try to numb the pain as his fist collides with my cheekbone. I stand there, unflinching, taking the blows without protest. I feel his knuckles jam into my gut, taking my breath away harshly. He kicks my feet out from under me, leaving me sprawling on the hard floor. His once angry eyes soften into confusion, then realization, and then despair.

"Oh-oh m-my god.. Clary.. What'd I do. Oh my god. Oh my g-." He breaks off sobbing into his hands and collapsing to the ground in a mess. "Shh.. It's okay." I whisper, scooting over to him painfully. "No its not! I hurt you Clary! That's not okay!" He croaks, sobs racking through him again. I knew it wasn't okay. I knew I should leave right now, leave the bastard to drown in his personal inflicted sorrow. But I don't. He needs me, I'm all he has.

"We can get you help." I murmur, planting an awkward kiss on his forward, trying to ignore the blistering pain all over me. He really beat up on me this time. "I'm just like him.." He cries out, sniffling and looking at me sadly. "No. No you aren't. You are so much better, we will get through this." I say trying to convince him. I don't convince myself, though. He is exactly like his father, abusive and hateful. I have to get away.

Standing up I wipe the flowing blood off my lip with my sleeve. "I need to head home, Sebastian." I say quietly, making sure not to provoke the monster inside. He just shakes his head pathetically. With that I walk out of the room, covering my panic with calm, slow steps. Once I exit the apartment I sprint as quickly as I can, tears blurring my vision. I have to escape this hell.

|xxxxxxxxxxxx|

Yawning I hop out of bed and plod into the bathroom connected to my room. I look into the large mirror hanging in front of me and sigh. I'm going to have to go as 'Clown Clary' as Seelie calls it today. I pull out the heavy duty concealer and slather enough on my face to cover the deep purple bruises peppering it. And that was a lot. I put on a little mascara and eyeliner to draw some attention away from my caked on face. Glaring in the mirror at my traitorous face I walk into the closet to change.

I slip on black skinny jeans, a My Chemical Romance sweatshirt, and my grey high tops. I throw my red frizz into messy bun and grab my backpack. I speed walk down the stairs into the kitchen, hoping I will have time to quick eat something. To my horror the second I walk in, they are yelling. They look so angry and betrayed as they scream at the other.

I sprint out of the room and out the front door unnoticed. I try to bring air into my lungs but can't seem too. They always fight. It's my fault. I ruin everything. I lean against my truck as I try to stop hyperventilating. Calm down. I close my eyes and take deep breaths: in through the nose, out the mouth. I'm okay. Letting out a puff of air I unlock the truck and hop in, preparing for the rough day ahead of me.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

"Wow look who the circus dragged in!" Seelie giggles hysterically, flipping her long locks over her right shoulder and approaching me. The smell of cheap perfume and sex waft through the air as she stops in front of me. The need to gag is unbearable. "Aw why the sick face, Clown Clary." She sneers, enunciating the clown. Wow, Ive never heard that before. "You're face.. Too close.. Cant take the ugly" I cough out pretending to shield my eyes and stumble slightly. Seelie's smirk immediately turns to a scowl. We stare each other down, I squint my eyes intimidatingly as she takes a step forward.

And then I have to sneeze. Shit. Closing my eyes I sneeze. I broke eye contact. Seelie stares down at me superiorly, taking another step forward and crushing my foot under her six inch heel. I hold in a wince, but I'm sure it reaches my face. "Hmm.. Allergies?" She ponders, looking down at me with fake interest. I pick up my last shred of dignity and reply, "Yeah I'm allergic to bullshit." Rolling my eyes I stalk off to find Simon, my best and only friend. What a great start to the day.

I find him lounging against my locker, focus on a paper in his hands. I walk up and scan over his shoulder at the paper he was staring at so intensely. "What is that?!" I exclaim confused, tapping his shoulder to make sure I have his attention. Once he notices me he grins happily and hands me the computer paper. I take it from him and look over it. Ahh.. the english essay. Of course he got a 96.

Rolling my eyes I pass it back, "Nice grade, genius." I bite, throwing my bag in the locker. "Hmph looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Simon chimes, raising his eyebrows at me. Sighing I reply sadly, "Bad morning." He just nods in understandment and takes my arm. "Off to art, aka hell." Simon mutters, letting out a groan. "Hey! I _like_ that class" I chastise, swatting at his arm playfully. With that we walk into class. I don't know what the day with hold, but I did know I always had Simon at my side, _always.  
_

_Jace:_

I walk into art fifteen minutes late. I have no idea why I took this class, considering the fact I drew like a kindergartner on drugs. "Sorry I'm late.." I mutter somewhat apologetically in the teacher's direction as I scan the room for a seat. There are two, one next to some bimbo that I think is named Kaelie, and one next to the mysterious redhead. Knowing my decision immediately I head to the left and fall into the chair next to Red, flashing her a seductive grin.

She doesn't even blink. She sighs melodramatically, staring at me with an annoyed expression. I raise an eyebrow, this girl had a serious problem. I mean look at me, how is she not swooning? "My best friend is sitting there. Move." She snaps, motioning for me to get up with her petite hand. Well I definitely wasn't expecting this reaction. "Have it your way, Red." I say, still not knowing her name. I can tell now isn't the time to fight her on this, considering her stoic and slightly pissed expression. Getting up without another word I plop down next to the bimbo. "Heyy.." She purrs, batting her eyelashes repeatedly. She looks constipated. Grimacing I turn to the teacher. This is going to be a long class. I don't know what I think of the little redhead yet, she's different, that's for sure. I like different.

**How did you like chapt 2?!  
****Btw song in last chapter was "In the Dark" by Flyleaf  
****Background on Clary's life and struggles!  
REVIEW! PLEASE IT IS SO ENCOURAGING.  
Hold on, darling.  
xx-Kelse  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone(: Im sorry it's been a while.. its been a rough month. Please don't give up on this story I WILL keep updating so check as often as you can! Should I keep writing this story? It hasn't gotten much support so I'm just wondering if I should change it..? I only got three reviews last chapter so please review this chapter! Love all of you. here goes ****nothing..  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

"Simon, I'm not doing this.." I state, holding my head in the air superiorly. "Oh yes you are Clary Fray, even if I have to carry you up there myself." He reprimands, scooting closer to me to prove his point. "You wouldn't." I whisper, squinting my eyes viciously in his direction and backing up slowly. He snorts and leaps over, throwing me into his arms. "Just did." He chirps as he hauls me up to the small stage in the center of the vintage-looking coffee shop. The second he sets me down I attempt to bolt off, only to have him grip my arms to keep me from doing so. "But people are watching me!" I scream whisper, glaring at him hatefully. "That's kinda the point, Fray." He says slowly, squinting from under his oversized glasses and cocking his head.

"Get the show on!" I hear a loud voice bellow from the never-ending crowd of well: thirty people. Okay so maybe I was being slightly melodramatic.. but still. I still can't believe Simon had tricked me into coming here by saying Eric was performing, Eric was on vacation! He brought me here to sing. In front of people. This isn't going to end well. Wincing I glance back down at the slightly annoyed looking crowd. I take a deep breath and turn away from them, fingers strumming my old guitar. I shut my eyes tight and continue to play the soft, yet daunting melody. Then I begin to sing:

_Overtakes the happiness day by day  
separates my life from yours  
don't touch me just stay away  
the pieces of me are no more_

_Push __away- push away the people now  
Walk away- walk away from life itself  
Just keep.. Breathing_

_So Alone, so afraid don't get too close, I might hurt you somehow  
So Alone, so afraid; my sanity is leaving me  
So Alone, so afraid; i'll push you away though I don't know how_

_I can't help it's how I feel  
Everyday beats the others all-time low  
My hearts joy was never my minds to steal  
How hard it is you will never know_

_Pull away-pull away from those who care  
Hold it in- hold it in, can't let them know you're sick  
Just keep… Breathing_

___So Alone, so afraid don't get too close, I might hurt you somehow  
____So Alone, so afraid; there's nothing left for me here_  
___So Alone, so afraid; to scared to let others in now_  


_____Just leave me to myself  
I don't need your help  
You don't care and I can't sleep  
I'm a hopeless case and a waste of time_

_____Because  
_

_____Nobody can save me from myself_

_________So Alone, so afraid; don't get too close I might hurt you somehow  
____So Alone, so afraid; cry _myself to sleep because the pain  
___So Alone, so afraid; Just keep… Breathing._  


Everything is blurry as I turn back around to curtsy and sprint off the misshapen stage. Breathing shallow and eyes bulging I fly to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I just sang a song I wrote. A very personal song. At the horrifying thought I empty my stomach once more before straightening up and walking out of the bathroom. My ears buzz from the loud claps and whistles as I enter the main room once again. My cheeks heat up, pink spreading down to my neck. Smiling as kindly as I can and throw my worn out leather satchel over my shoulder. "ENCORE!" I hear some geeky looking teenage boy shout, throwing his hands into the air enthusiastically. I shake my head no vigorously, I definitely couldn't endure that again. "Ahh.. the feels of that song." I hear a feminine voice practically moan, from not so very far away. Smiling larger with pride, I exit the coffee shop and head out to my beat up truck.

I search through my purse for the keys, but to no avail. "Dammit where'd they go." I curse under my breath, scrunching up my nose up in frustration. "Ahh someone seems to be in a pleasant mood." A tone mocks sarcastically from behind me. "SIMON YOU BASTARD!" I belt spinning around and pounding my fists against his chest angrily. He just chuckles, placing the keys in one of my fists and winking from under his hipster like glasses. "See you tomorrow Fray, great song by the way." He grins, jogging off to his torn up band van. If you called what he was in a band. Sighing I hop in the truck and drive back to the last place I want to be. Home.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

I cringe silently, biting my lower lip and covering my ears, eyes closed tightly. I always try to block them out. I can even hear them through my closed door, a floor above their room. "I CANT BELIEVE YOU!" My moms voice yells, echoing throughout the home. "YOU CANT BELIEVE _ME? ME? _I CANT BELIEVE YOU, JOCELYN!" Father bellows, pain woven in his tight voice. I know what he is talking about. It's all they ever talk about. Mom cheating on him. "Valentine you know I regret ever-" she starts only to be cut off by my fathers weary voice, "Do you? Do you really regret sleeping with him, Jocelyn." Silence. "Didn't think so." He grunts, and I hear the front door slam shut. I can hear her sobs from all the way up here, like she wanted me to hear. Wanted to torture me.

I take deep breaths and curl up into my protective ball, rocking back and forth vigorously. Block it out. It's not real. They love you. I lie to myself over and over and over. That's the thing, I know its a lie. I don't care. Anyhting is better than this truth.

**What did you think?  
****Good, Ehh, or awful?  
****PLEASE REVIEW!  
****IDEAS!?  
Thanks for reading guys(:**

**xx-Kelse**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, thanks so much for the support!(: Please review.. Anyways, I was asked what the song is in the last chapter and it's a song that I wrote.. It's really bad sorry. Just saw Divergent and it was so good other than the fact they changed some parts up. Thank you for your love and support please, please review!**

_Clary:_

I tap the pencil on my upper lip, trying to focus on the homework in front of me. I can't though, it's beautiful outside and I find it pointless to sit inside and waste it on some stupid geometry. Jumping to my feet I walk into my closet and throw on some light wash high wasted jean shorts, a grey tight fitting long sleeve shirt with a sheer back, and my black high tops. I put my hair in two sloppy braids and quick apply some dark eyeliner. I glare at my reflection in the mirror, why can't I be pretty? Sighing I dash down the staircase and out the front door. I pull out my cell phone and see I have three new text messages, opening them I see all three are from Sebastian:  
**S: Hey Clary.. I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner tonight?  
S: I mean it's fine if you can't.. I understand  
S: Sorry for bothering you**

It's amazing to me how he could go from the shy, sweet boy I remember falling for.. kinda, to the monster I now know. It's like there is a dormant demon living inside of him, and it's usually fast asleep, but sometimes it will awaken out of nowhere and claw up through Sebastian, taking him over. I shudder at the thought of the way his eyes glint when he lets the demon take control, the way he laughs as he throws me to the floor, and then the way he sobs as the demon falls back into its slumber.

I respond with a simple, "I can't today" not wanting to have to see his face today. Not wanting to ever see his face again. It's not that simple though, he has no one, and I know what it's like to be alone. To not be loved. One day, though, I know he will take it to far, and I won't have a choice anymore. I will have to leave him. I quickly reopen my phone and send a text to Simon:  
**C: Meet me at The Coffee Mug in 15 okay?**

He responds almost instantly.  
**S: Wouldn't miss it for the world.**

Grinning slightly I shove the beat up cell back in my pocket and trudge on to the coffee shop.

|XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|

Ugh. I _hate _mondays. I know everyone says they do, but they have no idea. Mondays are the entrance to another week in hell. Another week spent with Seelie. Tightening my quivering hands into fists, I set my jaw and speed walk to my locker, praying she won't notice me. People have no idea the effect bullying has on you. Of course she has to walk out of the bathroom at the exact time I pass it. I try to walk past her, only to be jerked back to her harshly, her hot pink fingernails digging into my soft flesh.

"Hey Clarebear, how was your weekend?" She says in a sickeningly sweet way, that would be taken by anyone else as kindness. "Fine thank you." I mutter, turning to walk off before it got bad. She actually lets me walk away. I let out a huge breath I didn't realize I was holding and stop in front of my locker. I quickly turn the knob, _4638._ The rusted door makes an obnoxiously loud popping sound as it accepts the code and unlocks. I heave my backpack over my shoulder and lift it into the locker, arms shaking. _God it must way a ton._ Grunting I give it a coaxing push, casing it to topple in. Then I feel it, the sensation overtop my head trickling down my neck, my shirt, my pants. I gasp as I realized I'm soaked, spinning around I see Seelie staring at me maliciously. She fakes a surprised expression and covers her mouth with her hand sarcastically. _Wow. She poured water on me. How clever. _Rolling my eyes I turn back to the locker, gathering my stuff for music.

My soaked hair sticks to my forehead and the back of my neck uncomfortably. My long sleeve tee is hanging awkwardly and dripping everywhere, and my shorts are soaked to the core, making me feel as if I wet my pants. When I turn back to walk in the direction of music, Seelie is already gone. But the crowd isn't. They are surrounding me, chuckling and cackling obnoxiously as if the funniest thing ever just happened. Glaring at them, I raise up my right hand and flip the off for good measure. There are a couple of gasps, but other than that silence. I shove my way through the crowd of students. Assholes.

I walk in a couple minutes early, allowing me to pick almost any seat I want. Considering I have no friends in this class I move to the farthest seat to the right in the very back. I yank out my sketch pad and begin to draw as I wait for the rest of the class to arrive. I decide to sketch the view of the heavily wooded forest outside the window. It is mostly pine trees, the sun glistening beautifully through the needles and reflecting off the dark grass below. For some reason I love the woods, they are so calming and natural. There is no yelling or pain, just bliss. If I could I would sit in the woods and draw all day long, never returning home. But sadly, that isn't a option.

The rest of the class begins to enter, taking their seats, many of them as far away from me as possible. I am the school freak after all. I feel as if I'm being watched and glance to the seat next to me to see the tawny eyed boy watching my drawing intensely. I make a face and continue to draw, blocking his view with my lower arm. "As nice as your lower arm is to stare at," I hear a cocky voice begin, "I would prefer to see the picture." Rolling my eyes I groan softly, flipping the sketchbook closed and sliding it in my bag. "I would prefer you not to talk to me." I retort shortly, avoiding his gaze. I hear him chuckle lightly, "Well then I suppose we have an issue." He lets on, grinning toothily at me. "Your ego?" I ask sarcastically. He just raises an eyebrow in question. "I mean you've been here what, two weeks? And it's the size of Manhattan, that can't be healthy. It will eventually explode I'm sure." I finish, returning his gaze ten fold. He just laughs and smirks again, I'm beginning to think that's all he does. As he laughs it doesn't reach his eyes, they remain untouched and distant.

I would think he's attractive, but his personality is so awful it ruins even his looks. That's one bad personality. There's something about him though, something no one knows, something that makes him so cold and harsh. An I intend to find out what that something is.

**What do you think?  
Review..?  
Love you(:  
Ideas?!  
**

**xx-Kelse**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Here is the next ****chapter of So Unexpected..! Please review and expect a pretty big plot twist *Laughs methodically*  
Btw I've been asked why Clary is 'even with Sebastian?' and the answer to that is 'have patience' I'm not going to just immediately be like: CLACE! That makes for a very cliche story. So wait and see! Love you darlings.  
xx- Kelse**

I don't like to think about it. Wait scratch that I hate to think about it. But I can't help it, it was driven in my head and plastered there permanently. The way she would pour hot grease on my back and leave scorching marks trailing up my arm with her scaldingly hot curling iron, all the while telling me it was for my own good. Telling me she was protecting me. The thought of that being considered as any type of protection made me laugh.

Mother did teach me one lesson though, the lesson I live my life by: Women will pretend to love you and then break and torture you, all the while telling you they love you. I've been broken and tortured one time too many. I only found one solution to keep this pain away. Break them first.

I've been using girls and throwing them away for a third of my life now, and I didn't plan on stopping. But she just keeps smashing into my heart, trying to enter it. She shatters everything I've built up throughout the years, everything I now stand for, with a single glance. She is mind-blowingly dangerous. I will never let her in though, she would break me. One more crack and I will become pieces. Everything about her just gets to me, no matter how hard I try not to let it though. The way her huge emerald orbs sparkle with curiosity and mischief, the way her crimson curls hang messily and crazy right below her shoulders, the way she has trouble breathing when she laughs too hard.

My feeling for her don't change a thing though, I'm still going to keep hooking up and dropping, and I'm still going to be the ice hearted asshole I am now. She can't break down my wall, I won't let her. The thing is she isn't even trying, and that's why I hate her. She is destroying it without even realizing it. I keep denying myself the inevitable, because of Clarissa Fray, I'm a time bomb waiting to explode.

_Clary:_

They're at it again. I feel like they are alway at it, yelling that is. Maybe it's considered screaming? Whatever, frankly I don't care right now. I guess you could say I'm in one of those 'screw the world and everyone in it' moods. Rubbing my aching temples annoyedly, I return to my Manga. Thing is with all their idiotic carrying on I can't read a word. I know them fighting should bother me, hell it should break me. It used to.

Not anymore though, I'm numb now. Nothing seems to phase me anymore, all of my life has been a big black hole, with me hurdling helplessly in the middle of it.

I'm pretty much accustomed to depression and pain. Their voices start to raise again and I begin to imagine I'm somewhere in Hawaii, laying out on the beach, wam sun beating down on me and the wa-… My daydream is interrupted by a loud scream, I hear my dad yelling insanely. He sounds angrier than I've ever heard him. The first emotion I've felt in days comes rushing through my veins: fear. I hear my mom's shaky voice telling him to calm down, to put it away. I know what's happening immediately. He has a gun.

My breathing becomes labored and shallow, and my vision becomes blurry. He's going to shoot mom. I fly to my feet just as I hear the bang. It would be pointless to go down there now. She's gone. Tears stream from my eyes as I try to think of what to do. I have to get out of here. I hear his thundering foot steps as he pounds up the stairs, each step striking more intense panic into me.

I dash to the window, pulling at the latch as hard as I can. It won't budge. "Oh my god.." I whisper quietly, frozen in terror. I'm so afraid. Then I remember something: dad doesn't even know I'm home. Pulling my senses together I tip toe into my closet and shut the door, concealing myself behind some long sweaters and heavy winter jackets.

I hear the door fly open and hit the wall with a bang. I hold my breath, closing my eyes and counting to ten. I hear his footsteps approach my bed, and can almost sense him checking under it. Glad I didn't hide there. I hear the squeak of the springs as he sits on my small twin sized bed. Then I hear the bang. I think he just shot himself, tears fill my eyes as I heave silent sobs, curling up into myself in a fetal position.

I reach for the handle of my closet door and crack it open slightly. I strangled sob consumes me as I see his mangled form on the floor, blood flowing from the gunshot wound in the side of his head.

_This isn't happening. _

_I'm all alone._

_Sebastian:_

I love her. I love the way her face looks as she stumbles to the floor with fear. I love the way she obeys my every command because she fears what will happen if she doesn't. I love the way she shakes after taking the punches and kicks. I love fear. And I absolutely hate that about myself. But I just can't help it, I crave fear.

Seeing it written on her face gives me a boost of adrenaline I know nothing else could. It makes me feel alive, powerful. Fear is stronger and more powerful than love ever could be, it makes people do whatever you want. You don't have to be kind or take time to gain fear, unlike love. Fear is spontaneous and everlasting. Fear is everything. I am fear. And I hate it.

**Dun-dun-dunnn plot twist!  
Quick sneak peek into Jace's mindset, more where that came from..(;  
Oh where will Clary possibly go?  
Think about it^^  
Sorry if this chapter was ****morbid I'm in a mood.  
Well Sebastian is a total creep tbh  
REVIEW! PLEASE!?  
xx-Kelse**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Don't know if I should continue with this story..? Please review if you like, I ****don't want to write a bad story.. Anyways here we go.. (Clace action kinda) Its been a rough day, please don't be too harsh.  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

You know when you see someone so utterly beautiful and perfect that you just can't take your eyes off them? And then they look at you and you feel like you have this connection, and everything is just so unreal. And then they open their goddamned mouth. And literally ruin everything. Well that's Jace Herondale for you, he may look like an angel, but I swear he's the Devil and has risen from hell to ruin my life. As if my life needed any more ruining.

It's been around a month since my dad went all psycho and shot my mom and himself. I would be lying if I said it bothered me to the breaking point. Because it didn't. For the past six years they hadn't even been my parents: They had yelled constantly, were never around, forgot about my existence, and hadn't shown even an ounce of love. I'm not totally heartless, but I barely knew them. They came home two nights a week and one time my mom had a panic attack because she forgot I still lived with them. Yep, ouch. It hurt so bad to see them yelling, it reminded me I could never have a real family who loved me. And now I have the chance.

I was upset at first, thinking I was all alone and would be put in some psychotic person's foster home, just like the books. Thankfully, I caught a break and ended up with Maia and Jordan, a sweet couple who couldn't have kids in their late thirties. There was only one problem with the situation. Jace Herondale.

I mean, of course he of all people had to live in the house next-door. And of course he had to notice me and begin to torment me, making me his new victim. He was just one big dick with no self esteem so he picked on the weak. For example: me. It was like boom, all the sudden he hated me. He didn't even know me. It's not like I wanted to be friends or anything relatively close to that- but I really didn't want anymore enemies. Having Seelie on my back all the time was depressing enough.

Deciding to no longer pity myself, I hop out of bed and onto the cool wood flooring. I had always tended to be a furnace, so when I slept under covers all night, the bed got pretty uncomfortable. Brushing my teeth and throwing on a mint cotton spaghetti strap top, jean shorts, a white sheer fabric shaw and my black chucks. I throw my wild tangles of crimson hair into a sloppy ponytail. I add a little mascara and some chap stick, not wanting to appear to awful.

I haven't seen Sebastian in two weeks. I can't deal with him anymore. He puts me through so much fear and pain, and his condition seems to worsen everyday. It's seemed like he has stopped caring entirely, his mind cold and eyes empty. It's like he's starting to enjoy punching me. And that terrifies me. I don't love him; I don't even care for him, but he has so much power over me, so much terror. I have this inkling in the back of my head that even trying to walk away from the 'relationship' would put me in a wheelchair. I shudder at the thought. Scooping up my backpack and new sketchpad I pad down the long, fancy hallway. Did I mention the Kyle's are loaded. It beats me why they would want a demented 17 year old girl with a serious case of depression and a bad past. But they did, and for that I am thankful.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

Groaning, I angle the binder differently, trying to somehow shove it into my already crammed locker. Letting out an annoyed breath I roll my eyes and start to push again. I jump causing my forehead to bang against the open locker door as long, slender arms reach out and take the binder from me, and easily sticking it in the space. Letting out an annoyed huff and holding a hand to my throbbing forehead as I turn to look at the smartass who helped me. Probably Simon, just the thought of him causes me to grin like an idiot.

Then I see him, and the grin dissipates and quickly as it arrived.

"Hey Gingersnap" He smirks, as if he was the most clever, funny person on the planet. Likewise.

"Wow. No wonder you're so popular, keep up those witty remarks and I might even drop to the floor and worship you." I say bitterly, sarcasm woven in my tone.

He snorts, "I only want pretty girls worshipping me, sorry freckle face." He says lightly, smirk tugging on his lips again. I feel my cheeks heat up in humiliation and anger. He just flat out told me I wasn't pretty. I feel tears prickle at the backs of my eyes, but refuse to let them flow. I'm stronger than this. "If by pretty girls you mean idiotic whores with no future, than ya sure." I reply casually, as if what he said hadn't wounded me, "Wait, no that would mean you would be dropping to the floor and worshipping yourself, which isn't physically possible." I continue, glaring daggers at him.

His smug look drops, left with the cold mask that gave me shivers down my spine. There was only one other person I knew with that expression: Sebastian. I guess I learned the hard way that the most beautiful people are the deadliest.

"Did you just call me an idiotic whore with no future?" He asks, dead calm.

"Oh sorry forgot. You're brain probably can't handle such an 'advanced' vocabulary, would you like me to rephrase?" I bite, winking at him and stalking off. Asshole.

_Simon:_

"Hey Fray, ready for Music?" I ask, grinning at my best friend. Though I wish we were more. If anyone one deserved to be with her, it was me. I was the one that brought her ice-cream when she was upset, gave her a shoulder to cry on, shared everything with, and stood up for no matter what. I want to tell her the way I feel so badly, to shout it to the world and grab her and kiss her. In front of everyone. I want to show her I love her and that I am hers.

But there's the bastard, Sebastian. There's something about him that doesn't make me feel right, he makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Clary said she everything was okay with him, that she cared for him. The thing is, anyone could tell she doesn't, the way she hates talking about him, rarely wants to see him. Then there was the undeniable fear in her eyes, fear she only got around him.

She thinks I haven't noticed, but I have. And I swear to Raziel if he has or ever does lay a hand on her, I will kill him.

And then there's Jace, who just seemed to notice her existence a few weeks ago, and immediately began to bully her. Why are people so cruel? He is so confusing though, because he will crush her in every way possible, make her more insecure than ever, and then I will see him staring at her from afar with a dreamlike quality to his eyes. It was confusing and pissed me off. He can't just treat her like that and expect to think its okay to stare at her.

The thing I want more than to be with her is her happiness. And if I can't give that to her, than so be it, I want her to find someone who can. But I was positive that someone wasn't going to be Jace Herondale.

_Jace:_

She deserves so much better than me. She deserves the whole world. The way she will stand up for the weak in the hallways, even if it meant more torment for herself. She was an amazing person, even though I know she would never admit it. And then there's me. Thinking all of this five minutes after I myself just tormented her. It makes me sick to think of the way I treat her. To look in her eyes and see the pain I caused. I hate myself for it, for what I put her through, but I have to push her away. I was just going to avoid her at all costs, but then she moved next door, so I went for the cold, insensitive tactic.

I have my walls rebuilt and ready. I am hurting her so I can't hurt her. It makes no sense, yet it makes all the sense in the world. I just had to keep her away from me, if she got to close I might fall for her entirely. I can't let that happen. "To love is to destroy. And to be loved is to be destroyed" as father used to say. But the second I lay eyes on Clary every day, my heart only says one thing,

Break me.

**How was it? Next chapter(If there is one) will include Jace defending Clary from Seb.  
Will Jace let Clary in?  
Will Clary forgive and forget?  
Will Sebastian just die ****already?  
^Patience(;  
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW.**

**xx-Kelse**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay you guys made me cry(happy tears), the reviews were just.. wow. (': I've had such a hard month, so thank you so much for taking time to review on my little story. I was dumbstruck when I saw I got 17 reviews on the last chapter. If you guys could review like that again I would be so thankful, it meant the world to me. Love all of you more than words could explain. Btw, Clace chapter(:  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

"Maia!" I holler down the corridor, hoping there was some way she could hear me. It's a big house, so it makes finding people kinda difficult. I still haven't figured out where all the money comes from, considering Maia doesn't have a job and Jordan is a dentist. Maybe it's inherited?

"Yes?!" Maia's faint voice yells. "I'm not going to be home until 8:00! I start my job today!" I reply loudly, reminding her not to worry of my absence after school. I start my job at the local cafe just down the street tonight, I don't need to work, obviously, but I enjoy it. It gives me something to distract myself with, keeping me from dwelling on the pain.

It feels as if there is this big hole where my heart should be. I feel so empty. It hit me last night that I had no family left, no one that loved me. That scene wasn't pretty. I mean sure, my parents weren't really parents, but they were family. It seemed as if until then I had been lying to myself, saying I didn't care, that it didn't change anything, but it did.

Then there is Jon. I miss him so much. His face still haunts my dreams, his easy smile, and electric dark eyes. He was the only one who was always there for me, always had my back. After I lost him I was completely alone, unlike now. Then I met Simon, and god am I lucky I did. He mended the gaping hole in my heart, pulled me in and cared for me. He always seems to cheer me up, he is like a brother to me.

I also have Maia and Jordan, and though I barely know them, I feel as if I've lived here all my life.

I jog out the door into the crisp and refreshing winter air. I'll be seventeen in a week. It's so crazy how fast time goes by, yet here in the now, it feels like it's taking forever. And I'm stuck in the confusion of whether I want the clock to slow down, or speed up.

Climbing into my worn out truck, I turn the keys, and drive my way on the highway to hell.

_|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|_

"Get the hell off of him!" I scream, trying to elbow my way through the packed crowd. I don't understand why people enjoy to watching others fight, to hurt each other. It's utterly disturbing. Maybe that's just because I'm an abuse victim. But I don't care, it's disgusting to sit and watch stuff like this. But right now, the bystanders aren't my problem, it's the guy in the middle of the circle beating the shit out of my best friend. Simon.

Finally managing to shove my way through the assholes watching, I enter the circle. I gasp at the sight. Simon is laying on the tile floor awkwardly, nose gushing ruby blood, lip split, and bruises _everywhere._ Yet the attacker looks untouched. Not for long. Letting out an angry grunt I charge, crashing into the large boy.

He may be a lot bigger and stronger, but I had fury on my side. I throw my elbow down, hitting him straight on the nose, feeling the crack as I break it. Good. Suddenly, he rolls over, climbing on top of me and crushing me under his weight. "Bitch" He hisses, raising his fist. I close my eyes, but don't allow myself to cringe, I'm not going to let him think he's won. But nothing comes, and I feel the weight thrown from my fragile torso. My eyes fly open to see the boys body on the floor, holding his head with a grimace.

Then I see him. Golden boy. My grateful expression immediately goes dark. "What, want a go at me too?" I spit, glaring at him hatefully. He has made my life hell, he is hell. I look around to see the crowd has dissipated, probably out of fear of Jace. He can be kinda intimidating. Scratch that, terrifying.

"No actually I was saving your stupid ass," He responds, voice emotionless as always. "_Stupid?"_I repeat, incredulous. "Yes, stupid! Do you ever think before you act? He could've seriously hurt you." Jace says exasperated, but his face was etched with worry. Wait, worry? He can't be worried about me, it's probably annoyance.

"I would take a punch for Simon any day." I reply, voice monotone. "By the way, don't think I buy this hero act even for a second. I don't know what you're doing, but don't do it again. I don't need help from someone like you." I hiss, anger beginning to cloud my features.

"I just saved you." He says, as if he didn't understand what I just said.

"Saved me? Do you not know what you've done to me? How awful you've been to me, Jace? If anything you've killed me. Please just stay away from me, I can't take this." I whisper, voice cracking at the sign of tears. No. I can't cry in front of the bastard.

Regret floods into his eyes as he looks to the floor. I don't understand him, he acts so rock-solid and untouchable and cruel, but then sometimes I'll see a snippet of a totally different person. I'm not sure if I want to understand him. He offers me a hand, and I refuse, pulling myself up to look at him. He steps closer to me, and brings his eyes to mine. They give off something unreadable, emotion I can't comprehend.

He steps closer yet again, and his eyes fall to my lips. His head leans in and- Oh my God. He's going to kiss me! Yanking away violently, I backing up, creating a distance between us.

"What were you doing?" I whisper, anger and confusion on my tongue and in my gaze. His features, once overcome with emotion once again go blank. The blankness on his face scared me more than any anger could. It's chilling.

"Don't worry about it, trust me it won't happen again." He says bitterly, turning away and stalking off. I'm left frozen. His scent is still in the air around me, it is like mint and cold winter air. It is refreshing and exhilarating. I remember the way he looked at me, and it sends shivers down my spine. There was some part of me that wanted to pull him close and just kiss him. Feel his lips against mine, his hands in my hair.

But the greater, smarter part of me held disgust. Disgust at what he'd done to, disgust at how he treated others, disgust at his heartless actions and voice. There _has_ to be something more to him. I know there is. The question is why does he hide it? What is he so afraid of?

I close my eyes and gather myself. I keep telling myself that I didn't want to kiss him. But there was something in me, that wanted him more than it's wanted anything else. Part of me that felt let down that he won't try to kiss me again. Part of me that craves him. I've never felt that with Sebastian, all I've felt was first sorrow and now pure fear.

I hate Sebastian Verlac, for what he does to me, for what he will keep doing. I hate him more than I could hate Jace Herondale, the boy who I saw in a different light today. He let me in, and I shut him out. Now it's time to shut Sebastian out. I'm going to get rid of him. I really am. I hope there is something more to Jace than what he usually shows. I'm just trying to figure out which him is the act.

**Ohh Jace tried to kiss her(:  
Yay! Clary shall be ridding of Sebastian(next chapter)  
Next ****chapter you will meet Lightwoods!  
And Magnus!  
Will Jace reveal his true person to Clary, Will Clary accept him?  
Please please please review.**

**xx-Kelse**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi darlings(: Thank you so much for the reviews, it means so freaking much. Please keep reviewing! Get ready to meet a very ****glittery Magnus and prepare for a breakup with Sebastian! Love all of you, Stay strong my loves.  
XX- Kelse**

_Simon:_

"So someone is turning 17 in two days if I am correct." I let on smugly, knowing how much Clary despises parties. She has a perfectly plausible reason for her hatred of them, and that is Seelie Queen. Even her name is preppy and obnoxious, it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth I feel the need to gag. And I do.

"What in the hell are you doing?" Clary mutters, raising an eyebrow at my heaving form. I regain my composure and smirk back at her, acting as if it was a totally normal thing to do. "Thinking of Squeaky Queen." Realization and slight amusement dawn on her face at my explanation; 'Squeaky Queen' is what Clary and I nicknamed her in the ninth grade, considering her voice sounds like a mouse on an overdose of helium.

"So I was thinking we could-" I start only to be cut off by the short-tempered redhead, "Yes, yes I know _exactly_ what you're thinking. And the answer is no."  
"For all you know I could've been asking if you wanted to take pole-dancing lessons with me." I point out, shrugging at her. "Well in that case I got lucky, because the answer to that is also no." She says shortly, walking over to the bin and pulling the old basketball.

"Now we came out here to play some ball, not to fight over my party." She states, and I immediately know to drop the subject for now. That's the thing about Clary, she can go from peppy and blithe, and then all the sudden angry and short-fused. It's very hard to keep up. I'm assuming much of it comes from her old home life, much of it consisted of yelling, ignorance, and hatred. I had gone over there practically everyday since the seventh grade and not once had I ever heard an 'I love you.'

Worst of all, one time in the tenth grade, I was staying the night in her room because she was upset. Her mom entered in the middle of the night to find me snuggled up with Clary, and she made an annoyed noise and left. She didn't care about Clary, so I don't have an ounce of sympathy for the way her or her husband died.

I could tell Clary was marginally happier now, here with Maia and Jordan, but there was always the lingering remembrance of the past life, the old memories stored up in her head for only her to see. I wish she would just let me in.

I love her. I love her in the way a husband loves his wife, entirely. It amazes me that she doesn't realize it, the way I'm in awe with everything about her. She's always been here for me, she's all I have. One day, at the right time I will tell her, and she will love me back. I can just _feel _it. It's like we're made for eachother. I was made for her.

I belong to her.

_Clary:_

I am in a decent enough mood today, considering I know I am going to pull myself together and just do it. Just break up with the bastard. Not that what we did was even considered dating. I keep imagining walking away, the weight lifted off my shoulders, fear of future beatings dissipated into the air. I can't wait. Energy is coursing through my veins, and I seem unable to stop moving, wishing for the minutes to tick faster.

I guess all the adrenaline was paying off, considering I am beating Simon 12-6. Even though he's tall, I'm quicker and agile, allowing me to move and score before he can comprehend what's happening. The look he gets when I score is priceless. I'm pretty sure another reason I'm winning is because he is deep in thought, eyes glazed over. Usually it's me off in some dreamland, wishing and hoping for something more. But right now this real is enough, this knowing I will soon be free.

Freedom. It's a beautiful word, one with many different meanings. In my case it's a synonym to hope. Hope is something that was once lost to me, to far beyond my pathetic grasp, but now it was within reach. And I was going to have the courage to grab it.

I'm meeting Sebastian at 'The Latte', a locally owned coffee shop just ten minutes from here. I am going to do it in public, so he can't hurt me or guilt me. It's an indestructible plan. Or so I thought.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

"Hey," I whisper softly, smiling tightly up at the intimidating boy seated across from me. His curling black hair had grown slightly, and now covered his eyebrows. His dark eyes that once looked a dark brown to me now look black. His skin is so pale it looks as though it is paper thin. I feel as if everything about him has changed, he know longer looks at me the same either. Everything about him now is just so.. Calculating.

Maybe it's me that's changed, though. Maybe he has always been like this, and I'm just now seeing it. Maybe he never was the sweet, shy boy I thought he was, maybe he was always like this. As they always say: "We see what we want to see."

He doesn't utter a response, just looks me up and down, searches my eyes. It's as if he knows why we are here. "Seb, we need to talk." I say, making sure to keep my voice powerful, unwavering. I will no longer cower in fear because of this boy. "And why is this?" He asks, tone fanciful and unyielding as always, as if he doesn't want his emotions to be seen. I think I know why.

"We're done." I say shortly, not even attempting to pull any of the, 'it's not you, it's me' shit. Because that would be a lie, it is him. His once emotionless face hardens, and his hand darts across the table gripping my wrist painfully tight. "And what makes you think you can do that? You belong to me, Clarissa." He growls, bottomless eyes filled with bitterness and challenge. Standing up and swatting a five dollar bill on the table, I yank my wrist from his grasp. "And what makes you think I belong to you? I belong to no one." I state hatefully, and then I walk out of the door, not bothering to glance back, hearing the swish of the air-tight door shut behind me.

I thought this would be freeing, but after seeing him react like that.. I'm more scared than I've ever been.

_Jace:_

_"_Izzy! Alec!" I cheer as I throw myself into the arms of my approaching siblings. Though I hate to admit it, I have missed them. A lot. They had been up visiting my dad for the past month, considering we rarely got to see him. I didn't go, though. Robert and I don't exactly get along.

"Jace! Angel, I've missed you so much!" She gushes, handing me one of her many suitcases. "God Izzy how many bags did you bring?" I grumble, stumbling up the pathway to the cathedral like home. "I sure as hell don't wake up like this, Jace Lightwood!" She shouts back with a teasing note in her voice.

I hear Alec roll up from behind me, "Hey I've mi-" I begin only to be but off by a loud, slightly irritating voice that came from somewhere behind me. "ALEC DARLING!" It practically screams, as I hear footsteps approach us. "Who the hell-" I begin, turning around to see who it was, only to be stunned to silence. The man in front of me wasn't like anything I'd seen before: Tall and lanky with tight leather pants, a white v-neck, a designer leather jacket with those trendy stud things on it, leather bedazzled boots, bright blue hair filled with multi-colored glitter, and bright yellow cat-eyes. It was well, distracting. "Ah yes, don't drool, though I do tend to have that effect on men." He says airily, waving a hand in the air.

I hear Alec snort and that brings me back to my senses. "I wasn't drooling." I snap defensively, eyeing the stranger. "He is definitely a specimen, but kind of dense." He trials off, examining me from head to toe. What is even happening? "Nothing compared to my Alec though." He says smugly, turning and kissing him smack on the lips. Wait what? I feel a smile edge onto my face.

When Glitter Guy pulls away Alec's face is flushed a deep rose color. "It's cool man." I say nodding at them and heading inside. "My name is Magnus, darling!" the man calls from outside the door. I don't know if Alec was expecting me to reject him, but that would never happen.

"I was thinking of cooking some-" Izzy yells from the kitchen and I interrupt immediately. "Are you trying to kill someone?"

"I will be if everyone keeps insulting my cooking.." I hear her mutter mostly to herself. It was good to have them home, the house had felt empty and alone without them. I was empty and alone without them.

I trot up the stairs into my room and flop onto the perfectly made bed. I usually prefer an unmade bed, but Marse insists I make it for some reason. I turn my head to the right and stare out the large window showing a perfect view of Clary's home. I see her standing outside her car pacing, staring down at the screen of her phone, panicked look coating her features.

Probably just missed a movie-marathon with Simon or something. I decide, trying to erase her expression from my mind. It was still there though, at the center of my thoughts.

Something seemed very wrong.

_Clary:_

"I am coming" the text said.

**What did you think?  
What is Sebastian going to do?  
Will Jace save her?  
Will Simon reveal his true feelings?  
Please, please review!**

**xx-Kelse**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello darlings, thank you so much for reading my story up to this point! Please review, it means so so much and lets me know if my story\chapter was good or needs tweaking. Thanks again. Stay strong, you've made it up to this point, you can make it until tomorrow. I love you. This chapter will be at Clary's party(: read on!**

**xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think I finally figured out high school. It's just a bunch of people who all hate each other pretending to like each other for short periods of time. Take Rose and Becky for an example: they act like best friends but anytime one of them isn't around, the other gossips non-stop about her. It's so frustrating; the human race really is dense. I've taken extra care to notice it, considering it was surrounding me on all sides.

Anyways, I'm in a booth attempting to read, but the painstakingly bright strobe lights and thundering music makes it pretty impossible. That's right, I'm at a club, some overrated place called the Pandemonium. And it's very much so my birthday, although in my opinion this isn't 'celebrating'. Celebrating would be me and Simon back at the house eating too much cake and watching Modern Family re-runs.

But Simon had his mind set to a party, saying some shit about me "needing to socialize more." Too bad for him I still won't be socializing anytime soon; at least not with this crowd. I have to admit, there is a pretty big sized group that came, nearly the whole grade. Except for three people of course: Seelie, Jace, and Sebastian. And thank the Angel for that, I don't think I can handle any of them right now.

I just can't seem to get him out of my head, the way he looked at me, the way he almost kissed me, the way he opened up. God, I can't believe I'm turning into one of those love-obsessed fangirls. I mean seriously? Me and Jace? Impossible, way too much history.

Put that next to the fact that he's 'way out of my league' and there is no way in hell anything could happen between us. Part of me is still screaming at the top of it's lungs, telling me it was all a scheme, that I would never be good enough. And then there was part of me whispering in my ear softly, telling me it was real, telling me it could happen.

But it can't ever possibly work, he has already done too much damage, he broke me. Seelie definitely tears off layers of skin, hurts me, but he ripped me in two and stomped on me. The saddest part is, he still does.

Even though we had that 'moment', he still tortures me, even more so in a way. I'm so naive thinking someone like him could ever care for someone like me. As my brother always said, "People don't change, what they choose to do with themselves does." So Jace's totally unreasonable and passionate hatred for me won't just dissipate, he would just choose to stop tormenting me because of it. Hopefully.

Sighing annoyedly I stand up and decide now would be a pretty fantastic time to pee. Maybe if I'm lucky there will be a bathroom window I can crawl out of.

I shove my way through the packed crowd, making sure not to let Simon see me, otherwise I would be sucked into this mess. Finally out of the crowd I head down a corridor to my left, hoping it has a bathroom. I really need to go. I see a sign ahead and can't quite make out the small lettering in the terrible lighting. Taking a few steps closer and squinting I make it out. Mens.

"Goddammit. It's my freaking birthday and I am stuck here. And I can't even find a restroom." I mutter quietly cursing profanity under my breath. Sharply turning around I head back towards the booming sound of the electro music. From in here the music is distant, and the people unseen. It is like another world.

Maybe I will grab my book and read here later. Suddenly I feel an arm wrap around my waist tightly, it would surely leave some bruising. Omigod. Someone has me. My breathing becomes labored and shallow as my heart pounds loudly in my chest. I am frozen, mind to scared to think. I do the only thing I can and scream. "HEL-" I start to scream, only to have a large, calloused hand cover my mouth.

No, no, no, no. This can't be real. I feel tears form in my already terrified eyes. It's Sebastian's hand.

_Jace:_

"I'm actually impressed, thought the party would be lame knowing Clary." I state, taking in the club and my surroundings. "Yah well as much as I enjoy standing here with you idiots, I'm going to go dance." Isabelle says with a wink, sauntering into the close-packed crowd. "If by dance she means hook up." Alec mutters sarcastically, shooting daggers at the boy Isabelle was 'dancing' with.

"Well I think we can all agree I am the best looking person here." Magnus flaunts with a grin, examining the people in the crowd. "You definitely stand out the most.." I murmur, scowling slightly at the tall man gripping Alec's hand tightly. Though I act as if I dislike him, I actually don't mind the glitter coated man. "Excuse me, darling?" Magnus questions, raising a curious eyebrow at me. "Ah.. well I said I'm going to get a drink."

"Thought so." He queers, pulling my half-reluctant step brother to the dance floor.

I head off to get a drink, this place was practically famous for serving underage teens. I plop into a stool and order a vodka and lime. I close my eyes and feel the entire place practically pulse with life. I love places like this, they make me feel solid, real.

I would be lying if I said I believed Clary threw this, because this is nothing like her. Angel, I have to stop thinking about this goddamn girl. Closing my eyes I chug the medium sized drink in front of me, feeling the satisfying burn down my throat. It was comforting to know after so many of these pleasant drinks, all the pain and worry will just evaporate.

Sadly, it comes back ten fold in the morning. That's the reason I never ever get drunk, I can't handle the utter depression the next day. No exhilaration is worth that feeling. I look next to me and notice I'm the only sober one sitting here: one guy is passed out, another looks as if he might throw up any second, and the rest are laughing or talking like idiots. I take pride in my self-control.

Then I hear it. The sharp scream of a young girl. Hopping out of my chair I sprint down the hall where it came from. The corridor is empty, cut off from the rest of the club, and marginally quieter. I hate it. I stop breathing as I hear a slight scuffle and a grunt behind a cracked supply closet. I'm about to turn around, thinking it's a very drunk couple doing untold things to each other when I see it. The flash of crimson. Clary is in there. Growl making it's way up the back of my throat I slam open the door and look inside. Clary is on the floor, curled up in fetal position, eyes squeezed shut tightly and _whimpering._

I am seething. I see the boy standing over her, smirking pridefully, and I grab him, tossing him out of the room. He is thrown back into a plaster wall, making a large crack as he makes contact. But right now I don't care. He hurt Clary. My Clary. I walk in slowly, and sit down beside her, legs crossed.

"Hey.." I whisper kindly, "it's me, you're safe now." I see her flinch at the noise of a male voice, but then recognition fills her face and her eyes flutter open to look deep into mine. God she's beautiful. "It's alright, I've got you." I whisper again, noticing the fear still etched into her eyes. Her muscles loosen slightly, and I take it as a sign of submission. I scoop my arms around her petite body and pull her into my lap.

"Shhh.." I murmur at her heaving sobs, stroking her hair soothingly. She lifts her tear stained face from my lap, to look deep into my eyes. That's what used to scare me so much about her, how it felt as if she could see right through me and my facade. Then I do something crazy, probably slightly influenced from the vodka: "I think I may be falling in love with you.." I whisper, rubbing circles on her back.

Her once thankful face goes hard and unreachable. "You think you can treat me like you did, and just expect me to forgive and forget?" She whispers savagely, nose scrunching up with anger. "I'm sorry… I was afraid." I say, ashamed with my past self and built up walls suddenly. What purpose did they serve? All the while I thought I was protecting myself, but I was losing myself. But whenever I'm with Clary, I return.

"Scared of what? Ruining your ego?" She sneers, still staring straight into my broken eyes, challenging me. I knew Clary wouldn't use my brokeness as an exception for my behavior, she had it rough too.

"No." I whisper almost inaudibly, "I was scared of loving you. But I do, and I'm done pretending I don't. I'm done building up my walls, I'm done being cruel. I just want to be me again, I want to be real. I'm usually torn up into little pieces, unsure and fake, but something about you makes me feel whole again." She just stares at me for a while, mind hard at work, deciding how to respond. So I respond for her. I tilt my head down and bring my lips to hers softly, tugging her closer to me.

And she kisses me back.

**Hi!  
****THEY KISSED AHH! MORE KISSING DETAILS NEXT CHAPTER, K?  
HAH SEBASTIAN HAS A CONCUSSION, SUCK IT BASTARD!  
AHH THE CLACE FEELS(:  
WHAT WILL SIMON THINK?  
WILL CLARY ACCEPT JACE?  
REVIEW PLEASEEE.**

**LOVE YOU ALL!  
xx- Kelse**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello darlings, sorry it's been a while! Anyways, here is the next chapter: kissing details and some drama! Anyways, almost done with the Forever((: its so beautiful ergh.. Stay strong my loved ones, one day light will shine through, and you want to ****live to see that day. Love you all.  
****xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I don't know why I'm kissing him back, it's as if I'm in autopilot. All my senses are filled with him, hands in his soft golden locks, breathing in the refreshing smell of his mint-like cologne, tasting his his lime flavored lips. His lips and tongue move perfectly with mine, sending shivers down my spine, and I can't help but wonder how many times he's done this.

I also can't help but notice how his lips fit on mine perfectly, or how I fit into his chest like a missing puzzle piece, but being human my mind keeps returning to the 'how many times' card. It's as if right now, in this moment, there is only me and him. No pain, no past, no future, just now. Just him. But of course I have to sour the moment with my insecurities.

I pull away, gasping for air. I look up into his tawny eyes and see them filled with pure ecstasy. "How many times have you" I start, having to take a break to breathe again, "done this.." I finish, gazing expectantly into his eyes. I bite down on my swollen bottom lip, bracing myself for the worst. It's not like he's going to admit that he's been secretly in love with me since the moment he saw me, as I have him.

"Err.." He murmurs, cheeks flooding with light pink embarrassment. I knew it. "Well if you thought this was just another hook up, and you could charm me into it.. You were wrong. I'm not that type of girl. You know, I can't believe when it was over I thought it might have actually _meant_ something to you. But obviously I was wrong, I mean one day, this will just be another kiss you can barely remember, won't it?" I spit, getting to my feet and reaching for the grubby handle of the closet.

Maybe I am being a bit melodramatic, but I am right. One day, he won't even remember this. But I will, and I don't plan on falling any farther into his trap. He's like a poison dart frog, beautiful and rare, but extremely dangerous, get too close and it will kill you. And I wasn't going to give Jace the chance to get close enough to try.

I look up and see his expression is filled with remorse and hurt. "Clary, it does matter to me. Nothing has ever mattered more. Please just give me a shot.." Jace whispers, voice hoarse and nervous. Closing my eyes I consider his offer. He seems genuinely sorry, and what could possibly go wrong?

"One shot.." I groan, "Only one, don't mess it up."

_Jace:_

She's giving me a chance. I can't stop grinning, but I don't think she's noticed. The kiss was.. toxic. That's the only word I can come up with to describe it, to describe us. Together we are so dangerous, explosive, but it's worth every risk in the world to me.

I know I'm beginning to sound like some guy from an overrated Nicholas Sparks film, but I just can't help it. It's starting to piss me off a little. Anyways back to the toxic perspective, I feel as if we are a ticking bomb, and one day we will blow up. Like fate keeps attempting to tear us apart, but we keep on fighting back. All I know is I need her.

I don't know if I can live without her. Dammit, there I go again sounding all over-romantic. But she has changed me, whether she knows it or not. I know now that I am capable of loving. I'm terrified. I think I see us a bomb because I've always been told, "to love is to destroy," and I love her, so we will destroy each other.

But I will fight for her, for us. Right now we have the obstacle of Sebastian, but he is nothing compared to what I know we will have to face eventually. It will be obstacle after obstacle, and they will keep getting harder and harder. But that's life.

I smile warmly at her as I open the car door and help her in. She said she wanted to go home, so I offered to drive, considering the fact she is still in some shock. I promised to myself that if that creep ever lays a hand on her again, I will kill him. But I'm not going to tell her that slightly morbid decision.

Shutting the door behind her I walk over and climb into the drivers seat. It has been hours since the alcohol, and I didn't have much. I turn on the car and begin to pull out.

"Shit!" Clary mutters, glaring angrily at her phone screen.

"What's wrong?" I ask, glancing over at her quickly before retiring my gaze to the never-ending road. Sometimes I wish I could just get in my car with Clary and we could just drive and drive and live in some quaint town where no one knows us. We would be so happy. "Well, you see. Maia and Jordan are at a business meeting until very late, and I don't have a key."

I snort, taking in the information. Wait, she can stay with me. I grin lopsidedly at the thought, I won't try anything of course, but it still would be nice.. "You will just have to stay the night at my place." I state casually, as if my heart isn't spasmodically vibrating under my ribcage. "I guess so." She says as if she doesn't care, but I can hear the twinge of nervousness and excitement in her tone.

|XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|

_Clary:_

"I can't believe my house is right there and I can't get in.." I grumble, practically throwing myself from the vehicle. I hear Jace chuckle and the honk as he locks the car. "Well come on inside." He states, ushering me in with a hand. Jaces house is one of those mansions where you feel like you're degrading everything you touch. It feels and looks like a museum. Jace unlocks the huge oak doors and I step in cautiously.

"I apologize in advance for breaking whatever it is I end up accidentally breaking." I groan, wincing as I tiptoe through the entryway that looks nearly unlived in. The home is cold, and uninviting. At least that's what I thought until we step into the kitchen.

It's painted a warm, rosy pink color, with mocha granite counter tops and cream cabinets. It looks inviting and very, very feminine. I glance around again to see the back of a tall girl with mid-back length shiny black hair and a perfect figure. I immediately feel self conscious with my frizzy red hair and boy like body.

Jace clears his throat and the girl turns around sharply, caught off guard at our presence. If I thought I felt self conscious before, that was nothing. Her striking coffee eyes pierce through me and her pale, flawless skin practically glowing. I feel like I've shrunk four feet.

She smiles kindly at me, and walks up to me. I hold out my hand, expecting her to shake it but she simply pulls me into a bear hug. "Nice to meet you I'm Izzy." She says cheerily, voice softened by the fabric on my sweater where her face is. All earlier unsureness seems to evaporate at her friendliness. Pulling away I smile and say, "Clary Fray, friend of Jace's."

"Oh Angel no, you didn't seem like the type but- please don't tell me you're about to go up to Jace's room with him and make unreasonably loud noises." She groans, sliding a slender hand down her face dramatically, perfectly painted red nails glittering. I feel my face pale in disgust and sudden realization. Jace must have brought a lot of girls back here. "What?! No, I would never-" I sputter out, heat rising to my cheeks.

"No, she lives next door and got locked out, has nowhere to stay." Jace explains, glaring angrily up at who I presume is his sister. They do have one thing in common: beauty. "Oh thank the angel!" Isabelle practically shouts, grinning like a maniac as she pulls me into another bone-crushing hug. "Isabelle, I think you're frightening her." Jace says boredly from behind me.

"Oh shut it!" Izzy snaps, pulling away and saying a quick goodnight.

"Sorry about Izzy.. She can tend to be a little too friendly sometimes, but I still love her." He chuckles, taking my hand and leading me upstairs.

I nod, deciding not to mention I thought Izzy seemed really cool. He leads me into a room with white walls, a grey bedspread and white nightstands. It's bland yet comforting. "You guys need some more color in this guest room!" I say, laughing nervously. "Not a guest room, it's my room, and I like it how it is." Jace responds cooly, throwing me a big navy tshirt and some sweatpants.

"Sorry and thanks." I mutter, heading into the bathroom and throwing on the clothes.

I walk out and see Jace sprawled on the floor near his bed. "Oh God! You don't have to I will sleep on the floor!" I practically shout in horror, I am not planning on owing him anything. "It's fine I'd rather you have the bed.." He mutters sleepily, yawning obnoxiously. "I can't I feel awful." I say taken aback at his kindness, most teenage boys would've stayed in the bed with the girl, not been as kind as this.

Maybe he is different. I kneel down beside him and brush the curls from his beautiful face. "Jace?" I whisper, edging my face nearer and nearer to his. "Mhm.." He says, eyes cracking open slightly, gold piercing through green. "Thank you." I whisper, bringing my lips to his in a featherlight kiss that says everything that I can't bring myself to: I love you.

**Well there you go!  
What will be their biggest obstacle?  
For a kissing scene next chapter: 21 reviews!  
R&R^ hope thats motivating  
Stay strong darlings  
xx-Kelse**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello darlings! Sorry it's been a while, I have three essays for school): anyways, this chapter includes: an overwhelmingly adorable Clace date(: Will they reveal secrets, or lock away their morbid pasts? 12 reviews for a faster update and a kissing scene!  
****Love all of you, I promise you're good enough.  
xx- Kelse**

_Clary:_

_"_Simon! I've said sorry at least twenty times!" I grumble into the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder. I pick at my cuticles, annoyance filling me to the brim.

"Well technically, eighteen. But who's counting, right?" He jokes sarcastically. I can practically feel his taunting eyes on me. "I'm sorry. I'm _sorry."_ I groan, blowing excess air between my lips, making a horse-like noise. "Didn't really sound like you meant it? Try again maybe this time put some more emotion behin-" He starts, attempting to hold in his laughter.

"Simon Lewis, I have apologized twenty times, don't expect to hear it again." I snap bitterly, scrunching up my nose slightly. "I mean it is just a huge gig that I spent weeks of tireless effort, and convincing to book you, but you know, just don't show at the last minute. It's all good."

I snort at the 'tireless effort' part. "Simon you spent five minutes and booked me at a rundown bar.. Tireless effort my ass." I smirk, knowing he couldn't argue with my logic, considering it is the truth. "Fine Fray, be that way." He fake sniffles, but I can tell he's smiling.

"Love you Lewis.." I say as sweetly as I can before I hang up, sliding the worn out phone in my back-pocket. I have on charcoal grey skinny jeans, a dark green and bronze airy, sheer gypsy shirt, and my suede tan combat boots. I actually cleaned up pretty nice for once.

I examine my face with a small amount of face makeup to dull the freckles, some dark eyeliner, mascara, and light pink lipstick. I throw my mess of curls into two french braids and grab my leather satchel.

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"M'lady," Jace queers, smiling happily at me as he holds the door of his old worn-out truck. I hop in, buckling my seat belt and leaning back in the plush seat. The entire car smells of fresh mint and brisk air, just like Jace.

I agreed to go on a date with him yesterday, right before I left his house. We are going to some local dinner place. I'm practically pulsing with nerves and anticipation, it's a good yet slightly nauseating feeling.

The car starts up, gasoline fragrance filling the humid air. I hang my arm out of the open window, close my eyes and lean back into the old leather seat.

The air catches on my fingertips, causing my hand to fly backward, letting me know we have started to drive. Then I get an idea; I haven't done this in years. I loosen my seatbelt and stick my chest and head out the window, letting my open arms flail in the strong, brisk wind current.

I keep my eyes shut, feeling the air hit my face, blowing my hair haphazardly. I feel so free, like I'm a bird, able to go wherever I want, fly from my problems.

"Turn on the alternative channel." I command loudly, making sure Jace can hear me through the loud gusts of wind. I hear the refreshing music blare only moments later, acoustic tune and soothing voice filling my bones and burning through my chest.

This is living. This is how it feels to be happy; not just fake smiling, protecting myself happy. I'm on cloud nine.

_"Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly"_

I sing quietly into the wind, voice filled with eery emotion. You know how every person just has that one song they connect to, and it becomes part of who they are? Well that's me with this song.

I'm lost, still waiting to be found. And I have this fantasy that one day I will sprout wings and fly away, fly away and find my happiness. I pull my head back in the car and quickly try to fix my tousled hair.

"Looks like someone was enjoying herself." Jace chuckles, moving his hand from his lap to my hand, covering it and rubbing soft circles on it.

"It's indescribable," I begin, looking at his concentrated face as he gazes at the empty, sinuous road ahead, "the way it feels to have the wind in your hair, the music in your ears, it's as if everything melts away and all that matters is right then. Not yesterday, not last month, not two years from now. Just here, in this moment. It's freedom." I say bringing my knees to my chest and lying my head on them.

I hear his breathing intake sharply at my description. With him, I feel as if I can talk about anything. And it's totally insane considering he used to torment me, and I barely know him. But it's the way I feel, my heart tells me this is good for me, that he is good for me. I just hope my heart is right.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

_Jace:_

"So what's with you?" Clary asks quietly, glancing up at me with those luminous green eyes. I stare at the surrounding trees, the noise of the breeze rustling the leaves, the small forest animals scurrying about.

"What about me?" I say curiously, glancing down at the cracked stone bench we are lounging on. I took Clary out for dinner and then she said she knows a good place to just relax. So we came here, to her secret hideout.

"I don't know, you and your mysterious shit. I want to hear your story." She queers, shrugging lightly and examining a maple leaf intensely. I can tell she's not that interested in it though, just uncomfortable with her recently asked question.

"Well where do I start?" I mutter quietly, mostly talking to myself. I'm obviously going to tell her, I trust her. Maybe if I tell her this she'll trust me.

"The beginning.." She whispers, scooting her body closer to mine and laying her head on my shoulder. I immediately wrap an arm around her and bring her even closer. "Well I was raised by a very rich family," I begin, taking special care not to look at her as I relive my morbid past.

"They were practically famous, everyone knew who they were. They would take me for ice-cream, hold my hand in public, buy me toys, say they loved me. People thought they were the definition of perfect parents, but they weren't. They were monsters, and all that was an act for the public."

I take a deep breathe, closing my eyes and gathering my courage. Thinking about this is hard, reliving it with the girl I think I might be falling in love with is impossible.

"My dad was always drunk, vodka and scotch hidden all in his office. He was always wasted, so most of the time he was just locked in his office, silently drinking away his sorrows. There were times, though, when he would come out and just beat the shit out of my mom, for no reason. He would sit me on the couch and tell me to watch, tell me that there is no love, there is only an illusion of it as he stomped on her limp body."

"But I didn't believe him, because he was sadistic and bitter. One day he eventually died from drinking too much, I was eight. At his funeral, mother still cried, and I didn't understand why. I mean he beat her, he beat her own son. But she still loved him."

"And eventually she became resentful and angry. She had all this built up sexual need and well, by that time I was fourteen. I think you can guess what- what she did. If I didn't listen, or obey, she would sit me in the shower, and cook up hot oil. She would pour it all over my back and arms. It hurt like hell, skin festered and peeled off, burnt and melted. And she would just laugh cheerfully, as if it were a good time."

"Each time she would tell me that this is what love does to you, peels your skin off and eats you alive. As she always said, 'To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed.' And I believed her. Because I always loved her, even through all that. But she wasn't the same anymore, she had gone completely mad. One day she had a seizure from the anti-psychotics she was taking, which weren't exactly helping much. So I was put in the foster system, crazed and alone. But then I found the Lightwoods and I'm fine. Better now that I've found you." I mutter, feeling hollow at the morbid memories.

"Can I see them..?" Clary asks quietly, glancing at me cautiously, as if scared I would be offended. I nod slowly, pulling up my sleeves and turning my head away so I don't have to see her disgusted expression. She doesn't gasp, cry out, wince. Silence. Then I feel it, her fingertip lightly tracing over them, causing my entire body to tremble at the sensation. "I like them. They make you look all hot and badass." She says, smiling up at me and peppering light kisses up my arm.

I sigh, feeling the pleasant vibes of her lips on my skin. She accepted me, no she did more, she embraced me.

I feel her lips leave my arm, and her hot breath tickle the back of my neck, causing goosebumps to rise everywhere. No girl has ever done this to me.

"Want to see mine?"

**AHH THEY ARE SO PERFECT AND IMPERFECT AT THE SAME TIME!  
12 REVIEWS?!  
So Jace opened up, and Clary will to a degree next chapter.  
Cant even comprehend the adorableness.  
R&R  
goodbye, darlings.**

**xx- Kelse**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi darlings, sorry it's been for ever... I feel awful but I wasn't doing very well. Anyways, I PROMISE to update regularly from here on out, I really hope you haven't given up on me or the story yet. I understand if you have though :c You have my complete and utter apology. Anyways, here is the next chapter. Expect: fluff, kissing, traveling and revealed secrets.. Love all of you even if you don't love ****yourselves. You matter I promise. PLEASE REVIEW?! I really need it rn):  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I love the feeling of when your in a plane, high up in the air, yet still low enough as to see the ground. It's so comforting, seeing your life from a different perspective, looking down at the once towering building as if they are toys. Seeing your daunting school as a speck in a blob of green. It's like you can take a deep breath and say "I'm okay." It's like your in a parallel universe, watching the your crazed life from above, from a viewing point

It helps you realize, that exam you failed doesn't matter, the world won't end. This is what's running through my head as I sit strapped in the plane, staring dreamily down at Earth from the cloudy mist. I feel Jace's hand wrapped loosely around mine, indicating he is still asleep. I have my white earphones in blaring Sleeping with Sirens on repeat, something about their lyrics is so relatable.

I lean my head back on the headrest feeling the familiar vibration of the engine, considering we are seated in the back of the plane. My high school is having a school trip to London, some shit about experiencing new cultures and seeing what the world around us is like. Pretty much the whole school will be attending, including Sebastian. Which is terrifying.

I still haven't told Jace everything, I told him it was an old boyfriend, someone he didn't know. I know Jace would freak if I told him, and try to murder Sebastian. And if he did that Sebastian would know I told, and I might as well be dead. I just want for things to stay simple, like they are right now.

My lips quirk up at the feeling of Jace's thumb rubbing soft circles on my hand; he's finally up. Opening my droopy eyes I lean over and kiss him, right on the lips, in front of _everyone. _Shit! I inwardly curse, about to push away when Jace pulls me closer, wrapping an arm around my neck.

His lips are fast and passionate against mine, as if we are out of time and we can't waste any, but they are also gentle and caring, saying he loves me. As he kisses me I melt into a separate world; a world of just me and Jace. I completely forget we are surrounded by gaping classmates who have no idea we are together.

His hand tugs at my hair, pulling it out of it's ponytail, and I feel myself involuntarily shiver, goosebumps rising on my skin from his intoxicating touch. I pull away abruptly, breathing short and heavy. We had to stop at some point. My lips are still tingling.

"We're on a plane.." I let out, still trying to catch my breath. "Yes, yes we are." Jace mutters, grinning goofily as if I am the funniest thing he's ever laid eyes on. "What? Do I have something on my face?" I blurt out, cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "No, I just love you so much." He whispers, but loud enough that others can hear, considering silence has overtaken the plane after our scene. He grins again, pulling my now even redder face back in for another kiss.

His lips barely brush mine before I push him away giggling. "Still on a plane, Romeo." I say, trying to withhold a smile. "And your point is?" He questions, quirking an eyebrow. I shake my head laughing before grabbing his hand and leaning into the seat again.

"Hah I always knew Fray was easy, but never would've guessed total whore." A voice queers from two or so seats behind us. I don't even have to turn around to know who spoke, the voice driven into my head. Seelie. I want to curl in on myself, hide myself from her, from everyone.

"Oh Seelie, don't think I've forgotten about earlier this year when you said you'd pay me to sleep with you." Jace says sarcasm and fake happiness lacing his tone. The whole plane breaks out into laughter, the whole plane except four people: Seelie, me, Jace, and Sebastian. He sits diagonal from me, face hard, hiding whatever it is he is feeling.

He's onion I think, discreet and unreadable on the outside, but once you pull away a couple layers you're left with a smell and stinging sensation bad enough to bring you to tears. He is staring directly at me, stare unwavering, hard. I almost wish he looked angry or upset, not this emotionless stare. He looks lifeless, as if he's empty inside and all is left is the corpse.

I know he isn't empty though, there is fury running through his every vein, there always has been.

_Simon:_

They kissed. Clary and Jace. Jace the boy who has tormented me and Clary all year, who made her cut, who caused more sob sessions than I can count, who made her feel worthless. And she just _kissed _him. I was waiting for her, waiting for her to open her eyes and see we are meant to be. I feel like my heart has just been run over and torn to pieces. I waited too long.

I feel an unfamiliar sensation run through me, something like jealousy. Bitterness. I hate the way they are looking at each other, I hate him, I hate myself. I close my eyes as I feel them fill with watery sadness.

I love her. I always have. I just let her slip between my fingers, and now she's out of my reach. I have to get her back, if I don't I think I might die.

_Sebastian:_

She's looking at me. I'm still looking at her, masking my raging emotions. I smirk at her, as if saying: _get ready. _I'm getting her back no matter what it takes, I have to feel what it feels like to hit her again, to control her, to own her. She belongs to me, and if she thinks she can escape than she is sadly mistaken. Still staring her dead in the eyes, I crack my knuckles and lick my lips, smiling falsely at her before turning back to face my seat.

She has no idea what's coming her way.

**Thank you for reading, 15 reviews please? I really need the support right now so it would be cherished. You all mean so much to me(:  
What is Seb planning?  
What will happen in London?  
How far is Simon willing to go to get Clary back?  
Will Clary reveal her former abuser to Jace?  
****R&R  
Please review what you think!**

**xx-Kelse**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey it's kelse, sorry I haven't updated in a while.. it's a long story but I should be pretty regular from now on. Okay COHF is ****amazing btw, I literally worship Cassie(: Anyways here is a chapter.. its gonna have some SERIOUS feels. And hey, it may not seem like it but you are important, remember that. Love all of you. Please review, hope you haven't given up on me or this story! **

_Clary_

I suck in a breath and keep my puffy, red eyes trained on the worn cobblestone of the London streets. My hand sweats nervously in Jace's as I try to ignore them. The stares, that is. Ever since that kiss on the plane gossip has spread like a wildfire. _He kissed her? Oh he's just trying to get her in bed. _or _Wow Jace must have an ugly girl fetish. _or my personal favorite _That Clary girl must be a real slut to keep Jace around. _And I know none of these things said are true, but they keep biting and pulling at my outer skin, threatening to rip me to pieces.

Today, I ripped. The constant stares and mockery is just too much. And it really pisses me off that Jace can just ignore it, act like they aren't there.

"It's okay," He whispers soothingly in my ear, hot breath tickling my neck. "Don't mind them they are just jealous." I snort at that. _Jealous? Hardly. _"Yeah Jace, they are jealous of a frizzy haired freak with her head constantly in a sketch pad. Makes sense. Thanks, I feel a lot better now." I flinch at the bitter sound of my voice, surprised. Apparently he is too considering his face flashes with hurt and sorrow.

"Clary, stop. Follow me." He says, shaking his head at me and putting an arm on my shoulder to direct me into an empty alley.

"Hey skank! Mind heading into the next alley with me?" A masculine and sarcastic voice yells from the crowd of stares. The entire group snickers, and I can _feel _the harsh amusement in their gaze. I feel my fist ball up and the blood run to my face. I can't keep doing this.

"Shhh.." Jace says, unballing my fingers with his, and leaning down to kiss each knuckle. I sigh at the pleasant sparks of his lips on my skin.

Maybe this all is bothering me more because I still can't believe a guy like Jace loves someone like me. I still am not certain of his feelings for me. I mean, he's said the 'L' word enough that it would seem he does, and the way he looks at me as if he sees some gift from heaven, but I still can't believe it. It's like my insecurities have to ruin every good thing that happens to me.

The noise of the hustle-and-bustle of London quiets as we walk further into the alleyway, my feet crunching loudly on the scattered stones. Then, we stop, and I feel Jace's arms around me, encasing me in warmth.

I break down, sobs I've held in shoving their way up my throat, eyes flooding with salty tears. My body trembles and shakes, threatening to give way, but Jace holds on tightly, keeping me up, like always.

I lift my wet face from his shoulder and look up into those mesmerizing tawny eyes of his, and I see them filled with so many things. They are brewing with compassion, anger, sorrow, love, tenderness. I sniffle and decide to ask the big question, the one I've been dying to ask, yet not wanting an answer to.

"Do you actually love me?" I whisper, barely audible, still staring into his eyes so I would be able to catch any deception.

For a moment he looks bewildered and then the same expression he had before returns, except filled even more with love. He cups his hands on my face and brings it to his, so close our noses touch.

"More than I thought possible." He says, and his voice doesn't quaver, eyes don't move. And in that moment I know he's telling me the truth.

"I love you too. I didn't think I would, but I do. More than I've ever loved anything." I whisper and bring my lips to his, soft at first. Next thing I know he's lifting me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, hands running through his silky golden curls.

My back slams into a wall and we are still kissing, all tongue and teeth and passion. The kiss says so many things: I love you, trust you, adore you. My whole body feels like it's exploding, his hands on me creating a fire wherever they go.

My hands trace his body, the planes of his ribs and spine, the indentations of his hip bones, to the taut muscle of his stomach.

We break apart gasping for breath. "I don't care what they say. You are mine and I am yours. No amount of ridicule will change that." Jace whispers and I nod, deciding he's right.

They don't matter, two people matter in my life and those people are Jace and Simon. "Don't let me go." I say, lips coming closer to his once more.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

_Simon_

"One cappuccino please." I say kindly, smiling up at the young waitress. She looks in her mid-twenties, I'm guessing she just graduated from college and is working here part-time.

"Coming right up." She says in a honey-sweet accent, turning and heading back to the kitchen. I sigh and begin to draw on the hard wood table of the café once more. Tracing her name over and over again as I think of her. I just can't get her out of my head.

The slight curve of her lips, her bright eyes, her flawless skin, sarcastic attitude, and just well her. It's like she's on replay in my head, one of those old broken record players that keep playing the same thing over and over and over.

I guess that's what she does to most guys, leaves them entranced and addicted. I know I stand no chance, I'm me and she's well.. She's Isabelle.

_Raphael_

"Hello Raphael." A proper, yet menacing voice says from they darkness. "Ahh, I didn't see you there." I say in response, flashing a quick smile to my next customer. His smile flashes in the darkness, razor sharp and gleaming white. There is something cruel about the smile, the kind of smile a crazy person gets after killing someone.

I hold back a shudder as I respond, careful not to show my anxiousness. "I have what you asked for amigo." I say, nodding toward the paper bag in my hands. His hand comes out and plucks the bag from mine, in a graceful yet powerful way.

There is something so dark and immense about this boy, something I can't put a finger on. I hear the crinkle of paper and he opens it and pulls out the item inside.

He holds it in his hands carefully examining it. He clicks off the safety and aims at the brick wall, pulling the trigger. He laughs manically at the satisfactory sound of the shot.

"This will do just fine."

REVIEW PLEASE!  
Jace and Clary are so cute I can't even  
Will Clary learn to ignore them?  
What the hell is Sebastian doing with that gun?  
And will simon meet isabelle again?  
Has Simon gotten over Clary?

xx-Kelse


	14. Chapter 14

**hello darlings, I love all of you(: Super sad the last chapter only got 3 reviews.. did I do something wrong? Anyways if I did please tell me. In this chapter expect a very unexpected and mind-blowing event to take place(; Please review, your nice comments are all that keep me going sometimes.. so please review. Anyways here goes nothing! (you are yourself, and that's the best thing you can ever be)**

_Jace_

I slurp at the extremely hot, bitter coffee, reveling in the way it scalds my lips. Focusing on the under-rated diner coffee in my hands is a lot easier, considering it helps me _not _focus on how awkward this meeting is.

Clary's best friend, Simon, called and said he thinks we should get coffee. I immediately replied saying if he wanted to ask me on a date he could've at least come up with something exciting. I was expecting this to all be set up by Clary as a "best friend get to know and like boyfriend" kinda thing. But it wasn't her.

So here I am, awkwardly drinking coffee and not speaking to the person who invited me, who in return also isn't speaking to me. I cough abruptly, looking up at him.

"What am I doing here?" I ask, raising a questioning eyebrow at him. He looks as if he is going to be sick, and raises his coffee brow eyes to mine. The glint of his signature oversized glasses almost make his eyes look bigger, like a deer in headlights.

"Well..." He mutters, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. I sigh dramatically and reach for my backpack, "I'm not spending my Saturday afternoon in _London_ having coffee with a boy who refuses to speak to me." I say exasperated.

"Wait!" I hear his voice ring in my ears, alert and sharp. I sit down, prepping myself for an 'if you hurt her, I hurt you' speech. But then again, I have been wrong before.

And I was wrong. This is a 'You two need to break up' speech. "You tormented and harassed her for _months_ Jace! I have no idea in hell why she would still go for you, but she did. She is so fragile right now, like a piece of crystal covered in cracks. If she's dropped again, she'll shatter. Do you really want to do that to her?"

I feel anger bubbling in my veins, causing heat to pour from my body, he has no idea.

"You have no idea who I am, why I did the things I did, what I _feel _for Clary. I motherfucking love her and if you think I'm just going to let her go than you are clearly out of your mind. What, you don't think she'll shatter if I break her heart now? You don't think I know how rough she has it? I'm not going to hurt her, I'm going to keep her safe. I love her."

The words leave my mouth quicker than I can think of them. It's as if all I've wanted to say to everyone bothering us about our relationship all week just came bubbling out. I look up to see Simon's mouth gaping open, astonishment etched onto his face.

I get up and set a five on the table, "I think we're done here." I mutter, stalking out of the restaurant.

_Clary_

"Your lights are on, but you're not home

Your mind is not your own  
Your heart sweats, your body shakes  
Another kiss is what it takes  
You can't sleep, you can't eat  
There's no doubt, you're in deep  
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe  
Another kiss is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

You see the signs, but you can't read  
You're runnin' at a different speed  
Your heart beats in double time  
Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind  
You can't be saved  
Oblivion is all you crave  
If there's some left for you  
You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love

[break]

Your lights are on, but you're not home  
Your will is not your own  
You're heart sweats, your teeth grind  
Another kiss and you'll be mine  
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love"

The crowd cheers out from the dark, yelling for more. Mortality is practically dripping off of them; dripping off of me. My hair sticks to my neck and forehead haphazardly, sweat pouring off me. The club is buzzing with energy and life.

I see the slight sway of bodies, the clashing of lips, and the lust shaded eyes. From the stage I can see _everything. _The strobe lights flash endlessly, sending colors bouncing off walls, illuminating once faceless bodies.

I love this place, the rush I feel, the freedom. The smell of alcohol drifts through the air, reminding me why these people are having such a great time. Glittery silver slime falls from the ceiling, splattering hair and faces, the effects of the slime are just as good as the taste.

"One more song?" I shout at the crowd, energy and fearlessness pulsing through me, I can practically feel my whole body vibrating with life. The crowd screams into the air, shouting for encore after encore.

I sing and sing, never wanting to stop, never wanting this immortality to end. But all good things do end.

I go backstage and quick slip on my coat, grabbing my purse and removing my car keys before heading outside. I take the stairs two at a time, letting the cool air refresh my senses. I've gotten so much more comfortable on stage after tonight, the rush, the euphoria, it's who I am.

Lost in thought I run into a bulky body. Though, unlike the time I rammed into Jace I don't go flying to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, I was in deep thou-" I begin, raising my head only to meet eyes with him. This isn't possible. He's dead. I was there. _He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead. _I think, panic rising up through me, choking my words down. I only manage to get one word out:_  
_

"Dad..?"

_Sebastian:_

I laugh as I shoot the gun, bullets flying through the air and penetrating the hard wall of the warehouse. I keep imagining how her face would look if I shot her, the surprise, the pain, the _fear. _I laugh even harder. I've been practicing lately, perfecting my aim, my adaptability. I can't afford to miss.

I won't miss.

**Will Sebastard shoot her?  
****How is Clary's dad alive?  
Is Simon over Clary?  
How far is Jace willing to go to protect Clary?  
Will Clary learn to block out the ****jokes?  
Where will Clary's talent lead her?  
Ideas?!**

**REVIEW!(:  
xx-Kelse**


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